As human beings on this earth, we humans have felt many types of heartbeats. For those surprise parties that our friends and family made for us, for the scary ones that make you run away, then the one for having too much exercise in one day but the most used for is Love, the most memorable, heart shaking that could last a lifetime. In my case, I have experienced the 3 most memorable heartbeats which are all due to LOVE.
The first one was when I was in secondary school, yes like almost all of us might experience teen love or puppy love we called it. I was 15 when my first puppy love began. It was the last year of secondary school before I had to think about what I am going to do next in my life. Ben was his name 2 years older than me and was from China. His parents brought him to Singapore to study. From what I know he has a sister who is my age but does not go to the same school. We were in the bottom rank classes meaning the rebellious noisy naughty class and he is one of those guys in class but a more quiet one. While I was a nerd in the class and not pretty, I am also a big in size girl back then not many guys like me and I don’t expect to.
He and I shared the same class when we were in secondary 3. There were only 2 occasions where we spoke to each other when we were in Sec 3. The first was when my social study teacher told me to collect a worksheet after I finished mine. So once I finished, I went around the class to collect the paper, then he stopped me and asked me to let him copy my worksheet while I said no but I gave in. Back then I did not think much about it and because I did not want to start a fight with him, I gave him and passed my paper to him.
The second was when it was the last day being sec 3 and it was the last few hours and we have to clean the classroom. So the thing is while I and a few classmates were cleaning most of my guys’ classmates have disappeared laterally, left the class, and gone god knows where. My sub teacher at that time was a very nice guy so he asked me to get the guy back and Ben was there. So because he is a guy he might know where the rest might be so I ask him and his closest friend. They agree to help me but he disappears too. Yap that what he did, a few minutes my form teacher released us, he did not want to release the guys but only me and 3 other girls which made the guys angry at me for not searching for them and they cursed at me very badly.
The year after, we moved on but I can still remember what he did and did not talk to him much. So life goes on days week and after June when his attitude toward me changes, by then I was not always with my friends. I would be alone but I was happy. So one day we were having math class, suddenly out of nowhere, he asked me if I understood what the teacher was teaching and said yes I do. He then asked me to sit beside him. I was shocked seriously that he is not the type to study and suddenly wanted me to teach him. I immediately declined and made up an excuse saying it was hot as his place and all but, in the end, I still went to teach him because I’m a nice person. I teach him. After teaching him, he showed it to the teacher and checked with him. He went and 5 minutes later came back and said that I taught him wrong. I was super mad cause what the teacher taught me is the same as what I taught him. I took my things and walked back to my desk. That was the end of that day but after that day he started sitting beside me during math class and there were a few times that I would catch him looking at me staring at me for a while but it was that day that I could not forget.
We just came back from recess, I was the first one cause I needed to open the door, we went in and went to the blackboard to clean it cause the previous lesson was still on the board. I cleaned it and after that, I did not know why out of all day I wanted to experiment. I want to place a duster back on the blackboard while facing in front of the class where my other classmates are still coming in and my hand at the back. I succeeded in placing the duster on the blackboard but then I saw Ben was walking towards the blackboard where I was standing. I did not think much about it but then saw him walking closer and closer towards me and stopping very close to me with the blackboard behind me. He then placed his right hand on the board while bending his head down toward my level. I could not see his face as I was looking down all the way but my heart just stopped for a few seconds. He did not say anything or do anything, he just looked at me because I could feel he was looking at me.
Then he sighs and moves away. I could feel my heart start beating again. He was the first and the only one who could do that. After that day we did not talk about it. He started not coming to school and when he did he came only for the exam. That was it. I never got to find out why he did what he did.
My life continues, right after secondary I started working, and 2 years after I work at the airport at a limousine counter. It was a fun experience and I have got to know a lot of people who became my friends. And one of them is Firdous, the guy who works at my counter. He is tall, very good-looking and 3 years older than me. Instantly I fell for him, whenever I saw him my heart would just race like a train to nowhere. I could not help myself. From time to time we did speak to each other the usual hi and bye, how was your day, was it busy so when he walked away my heart would race I was jumping for joy that yes he spoke to me even for a second.
Then I started to run away from him. It was super strange. I have never felt like that before, the moment I saw him my heart would beat like a crazy bullet train that any longer beside him my heart would just burst out.
Once I was having instant cup noodles at the counter. While I was eating I saw him walking with his colleague into the terminal by the side door walking back to his counter which was just beside my counter. And I panicked so I ran out of the terminal with my cup noodle in hand and ate outside of the terminal where the busy taxi stand was.
My work friends and 2 of his co-workers whom I was close to knew that I have feelings for him so when I asked him to help me pass Firdous a birthday present he refused and told me to give the present myself which I did. They planned to drive him to the terminal I was in, they then called me out at where he was talking to someone on the phone. I walked up to him and waited for him to finish, while he was talking he turned around and saw me. He told whoever was on the line to hold on and talk to me. On my hand a present which I chose for him, I lied to him and a co-worker of mine that we have brought him a present. He took it and thanked me before I ran back in and hid under the counter for a few minutes trying to calm my heart down. I was happy and super happy that he took my present.
Days go by and I get to see the other side of him, not only is he a quiet person but also quite a temper person. It became a reason why he got fired from his work after a customer offered to fight with him outside of the counter which he attempted to do it. A few days later he was gone, I thought that I would never see him again. I was sad that I could not see him one last time but God had another plan for me, for me to say my last goodbye I guess now.
Months later while I was waiting for a passenger at the counter, I saw him walking not far from my counter. He saw me and walked towards me. I thought after months of not seeing him I would not get that racing heartbeat but boy I was wrong. He stood in front of me, talked, and asked each other how we were. But that was it, it did not last as a passenger came to the counter and he immediately bid goodbye to me so that I could do my job which I wish he would stay longer. He left while I did my job. That was the last time someone made my heart beat so fast.
Then I met someone who created havoc inside my heart. His name is Baron, he is I think 2 years different from me. I joined the hotel industry when I was 23 years old, and 3 years after that I had joined in as a reception Assistant Manager then became a Duty Manager which is when he and I became very close especially when both of us had to work nightshift.
Because we spent most of the night and most time together, we looked out for each other. We spent hours talking, sometimes I advised him that he had doubts, we ate together and watched movies on his phone and even had breakfast before heading home. And I who has no experience with boys’ issues fall for him. I like how he makes me feel and does.
Before he got promoted to Assistant Front Office Manager, he then started not telling me things, not doing night shifts, set his attention to my best friend, and at times made me feel invisible. I don’t blame him that I have fallen deeply in love with him and by then he already has a girlfriend. But as time went on I could not stop myself from liking him more. Sometimes he makes me feel like shit, sometimes he speaks to me like we are super close and sometimes he doesn’t see me at all.
I was in pain, I was jealous, I was doing a lot of things, and ended up fed up with this feeling. I have like guys before and continue to like them even though they don’t feel the same. I like the feeling that I like them and slowly fade away but not when that feeling starts changing to something that could make me cry almost every day just because he spoke to a girl especially if she is my best friend. It made me feel shitty and like someone should not make someone feel shitty about themselves.
A week went by and I got admitted to the hospital due to a lung infection, about 10 days later I was back to work. The first day back, he was working. I smile as per normal, act as nothing happens. 30 minutes after the afternoon briefing, I went back into the call center and was about to start work. He walked in and we talked about it together with another coworker of mine. Then he said that he “MISS ME”. I blur and a few seconds later got angry. He then explains that he does not “MISS ME” because of work but he really “MISS ME”. I kept quiet, I did not feel happy but I was angry. Angry by the fact that he already has a girlfriend whom I know he likes and the fact that he only said that to make me fall for him more.
I had enough, I’m done with having feelings for someone who makes me feel like shit or gives me the wrong signal. So I avoid him, I pretend that he’s transparent. I would only communicate with him only for work purposely and nothing else. I did not tell other people or friends what I did to him as I know they would not understand and think that I was overthinking it but I’m not.
There’s a quote that said “ If you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘Soul Mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.”
Story & Written By: JR
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This is a story from me, this was my experiences with love, currently, the only I love is my family, friends, pet cats and my stories…will I ever find my soulmate, who knows maybe or maybe not..either way, I’m fine with it.
*All the picture is from my friend google.